Parenting

Zombies and Butt Rash and Coffee and Crumbs

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I’m over at Coffee+Crumbs sharing more about the glamorous mom life.

(Apparently, I need to be more positive and uplifting in the way I write about motherhood, so in an effort to uplift you while reading about the glamorous mom life, I’m providing this empowering gif, which I call LeiaFey.  Please feel free to chant this warrior cry with her the next time you encounter your children.  I find it very uplifting.)

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Mommy and the Case of the Mysterious Butt Rash

It was a morning like any other. I was awakened at the cracky-pants of dawn, actually before dawn, when things were still black as the screen on a dead iPhone, and human beings shouldn’t be opening their eyes. But my kids had school and so I got up, flicked on lights, and listened to the moans of my zombies reanimating.

I plodded downstairs to make coffee as strong as possible and began my ritual of tossing snacks in backpacks with my eyes still half-closed. At the beginning of the year I chopped fresh fruit and packed it lovingly into planet-friendly, reusable containers with little love notes curled up beside it, but this was winter, and I scrounged my paw through the pile of prepackaged Pringles and shoved my guilt down deep where it belonged.

The moaning got louder as the zombies shuffled closer, and I briefly thought about arming myself with a crossbow and motorcycle a la Daryl Dixon, but then figured all these particular zombies needed was some water and a hairbrush.

Then one of them spoke, and the words that came out made me want to crawl back into bed and declare a do-over.  READ MORE

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